Sextortion: A Calm Response Plan for Parents and Carers

Sextortion is blackmail: someone gets a young person to share an intimate image, or claims to have one, and then threatens to send it to friends and family unless they pay or send more. Police and child protection bodies in the UK, US and Australia report a sharp rise in financially motivated cases aimed at teenagers, and the FBI says this threat has led to an alarming number of deaths by suicide. The single most important thing a parent or carer can do is make sure their child knows they can come to them and will be helped, not punished. This guide gives you a calm, step-by-step plan: how to talk about it before anything happens, what to do in the first hour if it does, how to keep evidence safely, where to report and how to get images removed. It is written for parents, carers, grandparents and the school staff who support them. For wider online safety at home, see Protecting Children Online: A Parent's Guide.

Key takeaways

• Your child is the victim, not the one in trouble. The FBI is clear that this is true even if they were on an app they were too young for or accepted money or game credits. Say so early and often.
• Do not pay. The FBI says offenders often release material whether or not they are paid, and NCMEC says paying rarely stops the blackmail.
• Stop contact, but keep the evidence. Block the account, but do not delete the profile, messages or your child's account; police need them.
• Report quickly. CEOP in the UK, the NCMEC CyberTipline or FBI in the US, and police everywhere; call 999, 911 or 000 if a child is in immediate danger.
• Images can often be taken down. Report Remove (UK) and Take It Down (US and wider) use digital fingerprints so platforms can find and remove copies without anyone else seeing the image.

What sextortion looks like

You do not need to know how offenders operate in detail. You need to recognise the shape of it so you can spot it and name it with your child. Based on FBI and NCMEC descriptions, cases usually follow a recognisable pattern.

• A friendly stranger: someone who appears to be your child's age, often attractive and flattering, shows interest in a relationship or offers something of value, such as game credits, money, gift cards or a modelling opportunity, in exchange for a picture.
• A move to another app: the person asks to continue the conversation on a different platform.
• A sudden turn: once an image is shared, or sometimes before, the tone changes to threats, demands for money or more images, and pressure to act within minutes.
• Bluffs: some offenders claim to have hacked a device or to already hold an image when they do not. Australia's eSafety Commissioner notes that some use an old leaked password to seem believable.

NCMEC reports that teenage boys have been the most common targets in recent financially motivated cases. That matters because boys may be less likely to expect it and more likely to feel shame. Talk to sons as well as daughters.

Signs something may be wrong

• Sudden distress, panic or withdrawal after being on a phone, console or computer.
• Asking urgently for money, gift cards or access to a payment app without a clear reason.
• Being very secretive about one contact, or deleting apps and accounts in a hurry.
• Talk of hopelessness or of things being "ruined". Take this seriously and get help straight away (see below).

Talk about it before it happens

The FBI advises carers to keep communication open so young people come to them first and are met with help rather than punishment. A short, calm conversation now is the best protection you have.

• Name it: "There are people online who pretend to be teenagers to trick people into sending pictures, then threaten them for money. It is a crime and it is never the victim's fault."
• Promise in advance: "If it ever happens to you or a friend, come to me. I will not be angry, I will not take your phone away for ever, and we will sort it out together."
• Explain the trap: people can pretend to be anyone online, and paying does not make it stop.
• Give them other adults: if they would not come to you, who would they go to? A relative, a teacher, Childline in the UK (0800 1111), or NCMEC's help line in the US.
• Practical settings: private accounts, limits on who can message them, and devices out of bedrooms overnight, all of which the FBI suggests carers consider. See the Protecting Children Online: A Parent's Guide for platform controls.

The first hour: what to do if it happens

1. Stay calm and thank them for telling you. Your reaction in the first minute decides whether they keep talking. Tell them clearly that they are not in trouble and that you will deal with it together.
2. Check they are safe. If they talk about harming themselves, or you are worried for their safety, call 999 (UK), 911 (US) or 000 (Australia) now. In the UK, Samaritans are available on 116 123.
3. Do not pay and do not reply. Do not negotiate, threaten the offender or send anything. Payment marks your child as someone who pays, and the FBI says the material is often released anyway.
4. Block, but do not delete. Block the account on every platform it used. NCMEC advises not deleting the profile or messages, because they can help stop the blackmailer. Do not delete your child's account either.
5. Record the details. Note the offender's usernames, profile links, the platforms used, any payment details or wallet addresses they gave, and the times of messages. The IWF advises saving messages and recording all communication related to the incident.
6. Leave the images alone. Do not copy, forward, download or screenshot any intimate image of your child, even to show police. Making or sharing a copy of a sexual image of an under-18 can itself be an offence. Police will advise how to secure it; NCMEC's Take It Down also says not to send, share or download an image to use the service.
7. Report. Use the routes in the table below. Then report the account to the platform through its safety tools.
8. Start removal. Use Report Remove or Take It Down (see below) for images that may be shared.
9. Expect more contact. The IWF warns offenders can be persistent and may come back on new accounts. Keep blocking, ignoring and reporting.

What to say in the moment

• "Thank you for telling me. You did the right thing." This rewards the hardest step, which was telling you.
• "You are not in trouble. The person doing this is committing a crime." The FBI is explicit that victims are not the offenders.
• "We are not going to pay, and we are going to get help." This takes the decision off their shoulders.
• "This happens to a lot of young people, and it can be sorted out." Offenders rely on a young person believing their life is over. Counter that directly.

Avoid questions that sound like blame, such as "why did you send it?". There will be time later to talk about what happened; in the first hour, the aim is safety, evidence and reporting.

Older teenagers and young adults

The same steps apply to 18 and 19 year olds, who can be targeted too, but the removal route changes: images taken at 18 or over go through StopNCII rather than Report Remove or Take It Down, and in the UK the Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults. If an image was taken before their eighteenth birthday, the under-18 services still apply even if they are now older.

Where to report

In the UK, CEOP takes reports about online sexual abuse and worrying online contact through its Child Protection Advisors. Childline stresses that police are there to protect the young person, not to get them into trouble. In the US, NCMEC's CyberTipline received more than 186,800 reports of online enticement, the category that includes sextortion, in 2023, and more than 456,000 in 2024 up to 5 October, by its own figures: you will not be the first family to call.

Getting images taken down

Both main services work by creating a hash, a digital fingerprint of the image, which platforms use to find and block copies. Nobody at the platform needs to see the image itself.

• Never pay for removal: the FBI warns that victims should never have to pay for help or image removal, and that such offers may be another attempt to exploit them.
• Do not repost: NCMEC advises not sharing the content on social media after submitting, because new posts may be flagged and the account blocked.
• Over 18s: for young adults, StopNCII works the same way for non-consensual intimate images.

Looking after your child afterwards

• Reassure repeatedly: shame is what keeps young people silent. Remind them that the offender committed the crime, and that thousands of young people have been through this and come out the other side.
• Watch their wellbeing: sleep, eating, school and mood over the following weeks. Ask their school's designated safeguarding lead for support if you are comfortable doing so.
• Keep access, add support: taking all devices away can feel like a punishment and cut them off from friends. Agree changes together, such as private accounts and message limits.
• Secure their accounts: if the offender claimed to have hacked them, change passwords on email and social accounts, turn on two-step verification and check recovery details. See the Two-Factor Authentication for Everyone Guide and the Account Recovery Planning Guide.
• Look after yourself: this is frightening for parents too. Talk to someone you trust, and use the helplines above if you need to.

For schools and organisations

Schools, youth clubs and sports clubs are often where a young person first tells someone. A short plan helps staff respond the same way a calm parent would.

Measures worth tracking: share of students who can name a trusted adult and a helpline in surveys; share of staff trained on the disclosure response; time from disclosure to report; and whether parents received prevention guidance this year. In an awareness programme framework, this sits under security awareness and training (NIST CSF 2.0 PR.AT-01), but its real home is the safeguarding policy. See the Security Awareness and Human Risk Management Guide.

Common failure patterns

• Anger first: a parent's shock comes out as blame, and the child stops talking or denies it, losing the chance to act quickly.
• Paying to make it go away: the demands continue, often for larger amounts, and the images may be shared anyway.
• Deleting everything: wiping chats and accounts in panic removes the evidence police need to trace the offender.
• Copying the image to "keep evidence": forwarding or screenshotting an intimate image of a child creates a new copy and can create legal risk. Leave it to the police.
• Paying a removal "service": people who offer to delete the images for a fee are often part of the scam.
• Thinking it only happens to girls: recent financially motivated cases have mostly targeted teenage boys, according to NCMEC.

Practitioner checklist

• Have the "you will not be in trouble" conversation with each child before anything happens.
• Save CEOP, Childline, NCMEC or ACCCE details, and Report Remove or Take It Down links, in your phone now.
• If it happens: stay calm, check safety, do not pay, do not reply.
• Block the offender on every platform, but keep all messages, profiles and accounts.
• Write down usernames, links, platforms, payment requests and times.
• Never copy, forward or screenshot an intimate image of your child.
• Report to police or CEOP, CyberTipline or FBI, and to the platform.
• Start removal with Report Remove or Take It Down, and watch your child's wellbeing in the weeks after.

Standards and references

• FBI: Sextortion
• NCMEC: Sextortion
• NCMEC: Take It Down
• National Crime Agency CEOP: Safety Centre
• Childline: Report Remove
• Internet Watch Foundation: Sextortion
• eSafety Commissioner: Deal with sextortion

Related NHI Mgmt Group resources: Protecting Children Online: A Parent's Guide · What to Do If You Have Been Scammed Guide · Two-Factor Authentication for Everyone Guide · Consumer Reporting Routes Map